I’ve always had a fairly acute sense of smell.
I can smell the milk two days before it goes sour. I can smell the garbage molding the day before anyone else. I end up with migraine headaches based on smell (and the whole world demands that they smell ‘good’ – so everything is perfumed).
I recall smells too – the smell of the hallway behind Centennial Hall at Augustana has remained the same smell since I first encountered it in 1966. The smell of Oscar and Ruth’s upstairs bathroom (smoke, an old bathtub filled with hot water, the hint of people). The smell of the basement at Budlong School – a never to be forgotten mix of aromas: hot chocolate on cold mornings for the school patrol; the scents from the home economics rooms; a smell of little kid sweat.
The toughest part of this round of chemo has been the persistence of smell.
As I said, there seems to be a requirement that the world be perfumed. Everything is scented: the soap in the hospital bathroom, the hand sanitizer, the nurses with their various perfumes, the doctors with theirs. One particularly pungent individual – for me anyways – is the guy from infusion therapy who comes to check my Hickman catheter. It’s a woody smell, one that most people might find pleasant, but one that immediately begins to awaken headaches for me.
The smell of the food: The hospital feeds forty on this floor alone, so the food wagon is constantly on the floor. It’s all overcooked and over salted (surprisingly), and there is always a pervasive food smell lingering on the floor. My digestion has been hideous this treatment, and the smell of the food has not aided the digestion. I don’t want to eat anything.
The smell of the room: Housekeeping comes in sort of daily. But my linens haven’t been changed since I’ve been in the hospital, not even rearranged. I have to ask for towels. In other words, the linens are all soaked with a me smell. Not a pleasant one. I want to get home, get all the clothes, particularly the robe, in the laundry. I wish we could hang them outside afterwards so that they could get that fresh dried in the sun smell, but that’s not likely, since I won’t get out of this place until 2 pm at the earliest.
The smell of the chemo-therapy: This time, more than any other time, I noticed the smell of the chemo-drugs. I suspect it’s “the red devil” that gives off this smell. “The red-devil” is what one of the nurses calls adriamycin, one of the two drugs in my cocktail. The problem with the smell is that it gets into everything: my excrement, my urine, the pores of my body. I smell like the drug. It is a strong smell and I think that everyone else smells me too. Maybe they don’t. But I do. It literally smells red. Not blood red, but red, a warm and unpleasant red. It is a smell that will haunt me to my dying day. I want to get rid of it, but I know I have to go through it for three more treatments.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Limbaugh Slander
The Limbaugh insults have been followed by advertisers leaving Limbaugh and pundits commenting on the slurs against Ms. Fluke.
While the slander has been the ostensible reason for advertisers dropping Limbaugh’s show, I’m bothered by the fact that the size of the lies has been ignored by punditry.
Yes, he called Fluke a slut and a prostitute and demanded that she make sex tapes and upload them to titillate the right wing taxpayers. That’s outrageous. But no less outrageous is the misrepresentation of Fluke’s testimony by Limbaugh, O’Really and the rest of the Right Wing Noise machine.
She did not go to the Democratic forum to demand that taxpayers pay for her contraception. She went to testify that her Roman Catholic law school refused to include birth control in her insurance program –the insurance program that covers Georgetown U students, faculty and staff. She testified not only that she could not get insurance coverage for her needed and desired medical treatment to prevent pregnancy, but that the medication was also denied to a fellow law school student who needed oral contraceptives to prevent ovarian cysts.
Graduate students, particularly in high profile professional schools, bear a heavy financial burden. They are expected to be in school full time, pay high tuition and have little way to earn any cash. Graduate students in other departments can earn small amounts by being Teaching and Graduate Assistants. Can law school students work for the law school? I don’t know. There are no undergraduates to instruct. But there may be other ways that Law Schools help their students make ends meet.
Still, the pay is low and barely making ends meet in Grad school has been a time honored tradition. In earlier generations those in professional schools made it by having a working spouse – but that was back in the era in which the majority of those in Med School, Law School and Seminary were male and married. Then the biggest worry for the family was an unplanned pregnancy that would force the “man of the house” to have to find part time work.
Today better than half of the seminarians in our ELCA are female. I’m guessing that the same is true for most of our mainstream Christian seminaries. According to a 2009 report at UC Davis, women outnumber men in Law School, Medical School and Veterinary Medicine. There are all kinds of implications for this, including delay in age of marriage, which is a general trend in Western society.
Thus is it not unreasonable to expect that your graduate school health insurance include contraceptives. Short on money, long on expenses, this is basic medical care. The decisions about our medical care should be made between us and our doctors, not between us, our doctors and legislators – or the leadership of a church to which we don’t belong.
As I understand it, that was Ms Fluke’s position. It seems rather reasonable to me. It has been misrepresentation by the right wing. That is at least as much of a problem as the easily decried ad-hominem. Yet none of the pundits have chosen to even mention that – except, of course, for Rachel Maddow. Her reporting on this story has been outstanding.
If you are Roman Catholic and wish to follow the traditional methods of birth control, by all means do it. But why should you be allowed to impose your moral tradition on those who make other moral judgments about their sexuality or their family planning? Why should you be allowed to deny needed insurance coverage for those who need this medication for reasons that surly don't offend your moral sensibilities?
While the slander has been the ostensible reason for advertisers dropping Limbaugh’s show, I’m bothered by the fact that the size of the lies has been ignored by punditry.
Yes, he called Fluke a slut and a prostitute and demanded that she make sex tapes and upload them to titillate the right wing taxpayers. That’s outrageous. But no less outrageous is the misrepresentation of Fluke’s testimony by Limbaugh, O’Really and the rest of the Right Wing Noise machine.
She did not go to the Democratic forum to demand that taxpayers pay for her contraception. She went to testify that her Roman Catholic law school refused to include birth control in her insurance program –the insurance program that covers Georgetown U students, faculty and staff. She testified not only that she could not get insurance coverage for her needed and desired medical treatment to prevent pregnancy, but that the medication was also denied to a fellow law school student who needed oral contraceptives to prevent ovarian cysts.
Graduate students, particularly in high profile professional schools, bear a heavy financial burden. They are expected to be in school full time, pay high tuition and have little way to earn any cash. Graduate students in other departments can earn small amounts by being Teaching and Graduate Assistants. Can law school students work for the law school? I don’t know. There are no undergraduates to instruct. But there may be other ways that Law Schools help their students make ends meet.
Still, the pay is low and barely making ends meet in Grad school has been a time honored tradition. In earlier generations those in professional schools made it by having a working spouse – but that was back in the era in which the majority of those in Med School, Law School and Seminary were male and married. Then the biggest worry for the family was an unplanned pregnancy that would force the “man of the house” to have to find part time work.
Today better than half of the seminarians in our ELCA are female. I’m guessing that the same is true for most of our mainstream Christian seminaries. According to a 2009 report at UC Davis, women outnumber men in Law School, Medical School and Veterinary Medicine. There are all kinds of implications for this, including delay in age of marriage, which is a general trend in Western society.
Thus is it not unreasonable to expect that your graduate school health insurance include contraceptives. Short on money, long on expenses, this is basic medical care. The decisions about our medical care should be made between us and our doctors, not between us, our doctors and legislators – or the leadership of a church to which we don’t belong.
As I understand it, that was Ms Fluke’s position. It seems rather reasonable to me. It has been misrepresentation by the right wing. That is at least as much of a problem as the easily decried ad-hominem. Yet none of the pundits have chosen to even mention that – except, of course, for Rachel Maddow. Her reporting on this story has been outstanding.
If you are Roman Catholic and wish to follow the traditional methods of birth control, by all means do it. But why should you be allowed to impose your moral tradition on those who make other moral judgments about their sexuality or their family planning? Why should you be allowed to deny needed insurance coverage for those who need this medication for reasons that surly don't offend your moral sensibilities?
Friday, March 2, 2012
No Free Lunch
AT&T announced the end to unlimited data plans. This should not be surprising. The phone companies are not satisfied with gigantic profits, they want Oil Company profits.
The problem is that AT&T motivates the purchase of a smart phone showing how you can do things like download whole movies, stream today's basketball game and upload videos to Facebook. Those are the activities that will bring send your data stream over the cliff of data limits. But if you can't afford to do those things, why would you want a Smart Phone anyway?
Get you hooked and then charge you more than you can afford.
The cable company sent me an offer. Bundle phone, internet and tv and we'll give you a month free. The problem, after my free month the bill runs $150 per month. And don't expect much for being a loyal customer. Last night I gave them a half hour of my time doing their survey and they gave me a $5 Amazon gift card. Ain't that grand.
The corporatization of America continues. We are all supposed to shut up and be loyal consumers and never question the way the corporations save us so much money that we're constantly broke.
The problem is that AT&T motivates the purchase of a smart phone showing how you can do things like download whole movies, stream today's basketball game and upload videos to Facebook. Those are the activities that will bring send your data stream over the cliff of data limits. But if you can't afford to do those things, why would you want a Smart Phone anyway?
Get you hooked and then charge you more than you can afford.
The cable company sent me an offer. Bundle phone, internet and tv and we'll give you a month free. The problem, after my free month the bill runs $150 per month. And don't expect much for being a loyal customer. Last night I gave them a half hour of my time doing their survey and they gave me a $5 Amazon gift card. Ain't that grand.
The corporatization of America continues. We are all supposed to shut up and be loyal consumers and never question the way the corporations save us so much money that we're constantly broke.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
A forgotten story from Second Kings
The first lesson this morning was the story of Naaman the Syrian leper. It’s an old favorite.
Naaman, a general in the Aramean army sends to the King of Israel for a miraculous healing. The king sees Naaman’s approach as a means of picking a fight. Elijah comes to the king and saves the day. It’s a great story focusing on the healing power of Israel’s God and the duty of obedience. That is as least part of the message.
When we read the lesson in church we generally stop with Naaman declaring the greatness of Israel’s God.
It’s a shame we don’t read further. There is another interesting story that follows on the heels of the Naaman story: the story of Gehazi, the servant of Elisha (2 Kings 5:20 – 27).
When Naaman is healed of his leprosy he attempts to pay off Elisha with part of his “ten talents of silver, six thousands shekels of gold and ten sets of garments.” Elisha refuses. Naaman then requests soil from Israel in order to have a proper sacrificial site in Aram.
But after Naaman leaves Elisha, Elisha’s servant Gehazi chases him down and convinces Naaman to give a proper tribute to Elisha: a talent of silver and two fancy suits. Then he lies to the prophet (never a wise thing to do). As a consequence of his greed, Gehazi is cursed with leprosy.
How have I missed this lovely little story all these years?
And what would the prosperity gospel, give to get, preachers say about this? If God wanted to bestow riches upon his faithful servants, wouldn’t Elisha be toward the front of the line? And why would Gehazi be cursed for his greed? The idea that God gives goodies to the children in response to their faithful sowing the seeds of faith seems to me to be belied by the story of Elisha and Gehazi. But I think the whole prosperity Gospel is nonsense anyway.
Naaman, a general in the Aramean army sends to the King of Israel for a miraculous healing. The king sees Naaman’s approach as a means of picking a fight. Elijah comes to the king and saves the day. It’s a great story focusing on the healing power of Israel’s God and the duty of obedience. That is as least part of the message.
When we read the lesson in church we generally stop with Naaman declaring the greatness of Israel’s God.
It’s a shame we don’t read further. There is another interesting story that follows on the heels of the Naaman story: the story of Gehazi, the servant of Elisha (2 Kings 5:20 – 27).
When Naaman is healed of his leprosy he attempts to pay off Elisha with part of his “ten talents of silver, six thousands shekels of gold and ten sets of garments.” Elisha refuses. Naaman then requests soil from Israel in order to have a proper sacrificial site in Aram.
But after Naaman leaves Elisha, Elisha’s servant Gehazi chases him down and convinces Naaman to give a proper tribute to Elisha: a talent of silver and two fancy suits. Then he lies to the prophet (never a wise thing to do). As a consequence of his greed, Gehazi is cursed with leprosy.
How have I missed this lovely little story all these years?
And what would the prosperity gospel, give to get, preachers say about this? If God wanted to bestow riches upon his faithful servants, wouldn’t Elisha be toward the front of the line? And why would Gehazi be cursed for his greed? The idea that God gives goodies to the children in response to their faithful sowing the seeds of faith seems to me to be belied by the story of Elisha and Gehazi. But I think the whole prosperity Gospel is nonsense anyway.
Thoughts on Iran
Just saw one of the many Israel may bomb Iran sequences on “Weekend with Alex Witt.”
What I’m not clear about in this is why Iran, if they had an atomic bomb, would have any credible threat to use it on Israel.
First, atomic bombs aren’t able to pick out individuals by religion and kill only Jews (or only Jews and the few Christians left in Israel). So if they were to bomb Israel they’d be killing lots of Palestinians and other Arabic, Muslim believers along with the Jews.
Second, the idea of “assured mutual destruction” that kept the Cold War from ever going hot would seem to apply to Iran. If it ever bombed Israel, both Israel and its allies would return the strike many fold, causing far more destruction and death in Iran than Iran could cause in Israel.
It does not seem to me that there is a realistic threat of Iran getting a nuclear weapon and being in a position to actually use it. No matter how wild the rhetoric, the reality is that nation states tend to act mostly in their own best interests. Perhaps toning down the rhetoric from the world outside Iran would be a good idea. Maybe if Iran didn’t feel that they were threatened on all sides (as Juan Cole pointed out) they might respond differently. If I were Iranian, I’d feel that my country was threatened by outside interests who had installed a repressive regime in the past and looked like it wanted to do so again.
This is too reminiscent of the warm up for the Iraq invasion. Bellicosity cost us a trillion dollars and left two weak regimes in power surrounded by civil war. Attacking Iran would just solidify the mullahs and fail to stop the enrichment of uranium. Maybe we should try serious diplomacy and stop rattling the sabres.
What I’m not clear about in this is why Iran, if they had an atomic bomb, would have any credible threat to use it on Israel.
First, atomic bombs aren’t able to pick out individuals by religion and kill only Jews (or only Jews and the few Christians left in Israel). So if they were to bomb Israel they’d be killing lots of Palestinians and other Arabic, Muslim believers along with the Jews.
Second, the idea of “assured mutual destruction” that kept the Cold War from ever going hot would seem to apply to Iran. If it ever bombed Israel, both Israel and its allies would return the strike many fold, causing far more destruction and death in Iran than Iran could cause in Israel.
It does not seem to me that there is a realistic threat of Iran getting a nuclear weapon and being in a position to actually use it. No matter how wild the rhetoric, the reality is that nation states tend to act mostly in their own best interests. Perhaps toning down the rhetoric from the world outside Iran would be a good idea. Maybe if Iran didn’t feel that they were threatened on all sides (as Juan Cole pointed out) they might respond differently. If I were Iranian, I’d feel that my country was threatened by outside interests who had installed a repressive regime in the past and looked like it wanted to do so again.
This is too reminiscent of the warm up for the Iraq invasion. Bellicosity cost us a trillion dollars and left two weak regimes in power surrounded by civil war. Attacking Iran would just solidify the mullahs and fail to stop the enrichment of uranium. Maybe we should try serious diplomacy and stop rattling the sabres.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Is This Me?
Every time I pass a mirror and look in it, this is what I see.
I shaved the beard last Saturday, and most of the hair on my head is gone. I still have all the other body hair, including most of my eyebrows. I think I've lost my eyelashes.
I look more like my father, even more like my late uncle Viktor. I never knew Viktor, but I've always felt there was a strong resemblance between him and my father - but Viktor had a narrower, less rounded face.
What I don't look like is me. I haven't been without a beard since 1993 -- when I played the role of Charlie Brown in our congregation's little theatre production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." I had hair on my head then, but no beard.
Now, no beard, no hair. It'll grow back, I'm told. But having been bald for so many years, loss of hair is the least of my worries.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Something I Don't Understand
The conservative right in this country gets to have its conscience stroked by objecting to abortion and demanding that none of its contributions to charity nor its tax money be used to fund abortions.
How come I don't get my morals paid attention to? I object to drones bombing innocent civilians. I don't want my tax money used for a "missile defense shield" that fails to work and seems to violate treaties. I object to my tax money being used to target scientists in Iran for assassination. This isn't a political position, this is a moral position.
Or as a bumper sticker bit of theology puts it, "When Jesus said 'love your neighbor' I'm pretty sure he meant don't kill them."
How come I don't get my morals paid attention to? I object to drones bombing innocent civilians. I don't want my tax money used for a "missile defense shield" that fails to work and seems to violate treaties. I object to my tax money being used to target scientists in Iran for assassination. This isn't a political position, this is a moral position.
Or as a bumper sticker bit of theology puts it, "When Jesus said 'love your neighbor' I'm pretty sure he meant don't kill them."
Monday, January 23, 2012
What I've Learned/Who am I?
In these past two weeks I’ve learned a great deal about the body’s relationship to the emotions. And to schedules.
First: emotions.
When I came home from the first round of chemo I was pretty beat. I’m being treated with two powerful anti-cancer drugs: ifosamide and adriamycin. Side effects for the ifosamide are the worst. They include destroying the bladder – so you’re given mesna to counteract that. There are also psycho effects. One is psychosis. I asked the doctor about that and he reassured me that I would have to be older and frailer. Good. He promised vivid dreams, and they came.
The night I came home I dreamt a dream of two worlds, one of which was a cartoon version of our world. From that cartoon version of our world I could reach the world behind by paddling a canoe shaped like a shoe. That’s about all I remember of the dream now. At least all that I can articulate that I recall.
The next day I went on an emotional jag. I missed Kris when she went to work and couldn’t wait for her to come home. The kitteh came and sat on me. I cried. I drove the car and thought of Jon and I cried. I put on the gloves my dad wore and thought of him and I cried. I regretted the difficulties I had caused my parents and the physical distance between myself and my children and I cried. Kris came home and I cried.
Of course, all this crying stopped up my sinuses, which gave me a headache I couldn’t control. But I also couldn’t control my emotions. After a few days the kindly Doctor prescribed some Zoloft for the depression and ativan to relax the anxiety and help me sleep. Both are working, though I’m going to stop using them today.
So the extreme of the emotions: that’s due to the chemicals. But the emotions are real. I really do think my kids are something special, and I really do miss them terribly. I really do love my wife as deeply as I have ever loved anything in my life. And I really do regret how difficult I was as a teenager and young adult. I do regret the last several years of my relationship to my mom – she gave up and turned to the wall and waited to die.
This does put me in mind of being drunk or high. I’ve dealt with many emotional drunks, some of whom loved Jesus very deeply and just wanted a little more money to be a little more drunk.
So, how do we relate our emotions to our self?
They seem to be composed of chemicals and situation. Mostly chemicals. And the chemicals seem to be in charge of the self.
The chemicals also seem to be in charge of the body’s physicality.
The poet Delmore Schwartz called this physicality a “heavy bear.” In his poem “the heavy bear who goes with me,” he names the body “a caricature, a swollen shadow,/A stupid clown of the spirit’s motive, . . .” A body undergoing chemo therapy becomes “a stupid clown . . .”
I can no longer predict where and how I’ll need a bathroom. That’s the biggest inconvenience and/or “swollen shadow” of my former life. But I also can’t predict how much I’ll be able to eat when I’m hungry. I can’t taste water and like it. I can’t tell when I’ll fall asleep and when I’ll stay awake – unless I add some chemical to make me sleepy. I’ve also become an insomniac. And then I’m ready to nap in the middle of the afternoon.
What this has all got me thinking about is the “real me.” Which is the real me? The chemically controlled heavy bear? (Schwartz wanted to separate himself from that heavy bear.) The emotion laden weeping husband? Or is there a me that perdures inside the heavy bear and/or weeping husband?
First: emotions.
When I came home from the first round of chemo I was pretty beat. I’m being treated with two powerful anti-cancer drugs: ifosamide and adriamycin. Side effects for the ifosamide are the worst. They include destroying the bladder – so you’re given mesna to counteract that. There are also psycho effects. One is psychosis. I asked the doctor about that and he reassured me that I would have to be older and frailer. Good. He promised vivid dreams, and they came.
The night I came home I dreamt a dream of two worlds, one of which was a cartoon version of our world. From that cartoon version of our world I could reach the world behind by paddling a canoe shaped like a shoe. That’s about all I remember of the dream now. At least all that I can articulate that I recall.
The next day I went on an emotional jag. I missed Kris when she went to work and couldn’t wait for her to come home. The kitteh came and sat on me. I cried. I drove the car and thought of Jon and I cried. I put on the gloves my dad wore and thought of him and I cried. I regretted the difficulties I had caused my parents and the physical distance between myself and my children and I cried. Kris came home and I cried.
Of course, all this crying stopped up my sinuses, which gave me a headache I couldn’t control. But I also couldn’t control my emotions. After a few days the kindly Doctor prescribed some Zoloft for the depression and ativan to relax the anxiety and help me sleep. Both are working, though I’m going to stop using them today.
So the extreme of the emotions: that’s due to the chemicals. But the emotions are real. I really do think my kids are something special, and I really do miss them terribly. I really do love my wife as deeply as I have ever loved anything in my life. And I really do regret how difficult I was as a teenager and young adult. I do regret the last several years of my relationship to my mom – she gave up and turned to the wall and waited to die.
This does put me in mind of being drunk or high. I’ve dealt with many emotional drunks, some of whom loved Jesus very deeply and just wanted a little more money to be a little more drunk.
So, how do we relate our emotions to our self?
They seem to be composed of chemicals and situation. Mostly chemicals. And the chemicals seem to be in charge of the self.
The chemicals also seem to be in charge of the body’s physicality.
The poet Delmore Schwartz called this physicality a “heavy bear.” In his poem “the heavy bear who goes with me,” he names the body “a caricature, a swollen shadow,/A stupid clown of the spirit’s motive, . . .” A body undergoing chemo therapy becomes “a stupid clown . . .”
I can no longer predict where and how I’ll need a bathroom. That’s the biggest inconvenience and/or “swollen shadow” of my former life. But I also can’t predict how much I’ll be able to eat when I’m hungry. I can’t taste water and like it. I can’t tell when I’ll fall asleep and when I’ll stay awake – unless I add some chemical to make me sleepy. I’ve also become an insomniac. And then I’m ready to nap in the middle of the afternoon.
What this has all got me thinking about is the “real me.” Which is the real me? The chemically controlled heavy bear? (Schwartz wanted to separate himself from that heavy bear.) The emotion laden weeping husband? Or is there a me that perdures inside the heavy bear and/or weeping husband?
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Around the World in 80 Days
Turner’s playing “Around the World in 80 Days.” The money Todd spent to produce this film was prodigious – and silly. It’s an incredibly bad film, even as a representation of the late Empire novels of Verne. Every movie stereotype is hauled off. The British male is punctual and reserved. The English educated rajani is actually a beautiful white girl (a very young Shirley MacLaine). The little Mexican saves the day, comically – but always costs the punctilious Brit time and effort.
It’s entirely too silly, even for 1956. But I remember fondly going to a second run movie theatre in the late 50’s it must have been, to see it on a wide screen. Ruth brought the popcorn and we were all happy. I think I thought it was a great movie then.
It’s entirely too silly, even for 1956. But I remember fondly going to a second run movie theatre in the late 50’s it must have been, to see it on a wide screen. Ruth brought the popcorn and we were all happy. I think I thought it was a great movie then.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Waiting I'm Hating
I don't mean to be a hater, but I'm sitting in my room, my home away from home, waiting for the surgeon to come and install my triple threat three spout line. Then we can get to the business of getting the first dose of chemo.
While I'm waiting I'm letting my anxiety rise. You can see it in my bp. When I left the hospital last Saturday my blood pressure was around 140/90. High, but not so far off normal. This morning, when I checked in with Dr. Beck it was 146/94. About 15 minutes later, when I got to the room it was 151/106.
I'm waiting, making myself crazy, imagining all sorts of problems.
I'm going to get two cancer drugs. One gets induced slowly, over 72 hours. The other I get in a three hour induction four times in the four days I'm here.
I sure would like to get this started so I can quit being anxious. I didn't even know I was anxious, but I clearly am.
BTW, Salina Hospital is a lot more bureaucratic than Lindsborg. Boy did they get my medical history.
Well. I've got one book to read, my laptop. and a wireless connection. I've got espn and news channels. I should be fine. But I'm waiting and I'm hating waiting.
While I'm waiting I'm letting my anxiety rise. You can see it in my bp. When I left the hospital last Saturday my blood pressure was around 140/90. High, but not so far off normal. This morning, when I checked in with Dr. Beck it was 146/94. About 15 minutes later, when I got to the room it was 151/106.
I'm waiting, making myself crazy, imagining all sorts of problems.
I'm going to get two cancer drugs. One gets induced slowly, over 72 hours. The other I get in a three hour induction four times in the four days I'm here.
I sure would like to get this started so I can quit being anxious. I didn't even know I was anxious, but I clearly am.
BTW, Salina Hospital is a lot more bureaucratic than Lindsborg. Boy did they get my medical history.
Well. I've got one book to read, my laptop. and a wireless connection. I've got espn and news channels. I should be fine. But I'm waiting and I'm hating waiting.
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